Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: Conversing with Krista Green

“Change is good.” How many can actually say this sentence honestly, without sarcasm or clenched teeth? I know that in my own life, the changes that have occurred have been necessary and ultimately good for me, but that does not help me in the midst of the transition, when all I want is to curl up under the covers in my bed and wait for it all to be over. When those days occur, I look to one person here in particular: Krista Green, one of two lay employees working at Spirit Center.

After moving back to her hometown of Grangeville, Krista was contacted by Mary Schmidt, the administrator of Spirit Center. Mary was in need of an assistant, and because of Krista’s previous work experience, she thought Krista was exactly the person for the job. Because she loves to support others, Krista has truly found her niche at the Spirit Center by taking care of the tedious and yet necessary tasks that need to be done. Some examples of this work would be proofreading and taking care of the never ending mailings. One of her primary responsibilities is marketing and she is considered the main writer and photographer for the retreat facility. She also maintains Spirit Center’s Facebook presence. In these ways and more, she truly embodies Benedictine hospitality, helping everyone to feel “warm and fuzzy.” In my own experience, I have gone to Krista more than once about my latest conundrum, ultimately resulting in some of the most profound conversations I have ever had, and I certainly feel warm and fuzzy by being near her.

As the future of the Monastery of St. Gertrude becomes even more uncertain with dwindling vocations, employees and volunteers will be even more critical in the daily functioning of monastic life. Krista has truly felt blessed by her work with the Benedictine community here at St. Gertrude’s, feeling part of the communal mission in making the world a better place. One special gift she brings to this community is her perspective from outside the monastery. Although not a Benedictine sister, Krista has implemented many aspects of the Benedictine way to her own life. She has been affected by her work, and lives a richer and simpler life because of it. As it says in a quote posted on her office wall, “It’s never too late to become a better version of yourself,” and this is the challenge Krista tries to meet every day, and her actions encourage me to see in what ways I too can “become a better version of myself.”

Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: Sitting with Sr. Sue Ellen

While I was assisting with a retreat this past week, when referring to my help and support the mantra became: “Everyone needs a Sarah!” When reflecting on Sr. Sue Ellen, it seems that this statement still applies – everyone needs a Sue Ellen. Assisting nearly everyone in one way or another, this Benedictine sister helps everything to run smoothly. After retiring from teaching catechism, Sue Ellen was asked to assist in a multitude of areas, most notably with administration and in the development office. Through these two areas, she keeps track of all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events and keeps everyone informed of various announcements. Outside of these areas, Sue Ellen helps in the book store and serves on various committees, one of which focuses on relationships with extended members (oblates, benefactors, monastery friends, etc.). Most certainly, maintaining relationships with everyone in these ways is one demonstration of hospitality, a key value of Benedictine spirituality. It is no surprise to me that Sue Ellen is so intimately connected with people after saying that the development office contains her most and least favorite jobs, her favorite simply being the life that the development office has with its remarkable staff. Her least favorite? Sealing envelopes.

Sue Ellen has gained much through being part of this monastic community. She speaks fondly of a time when she was growing up and she prayed to have a sister. “Boy, was my prayer answered!” she says with a laugh. Her religious sisters have become her family, and though not without challenges, she has grown in love for her sisters, inheriting numerous “in-laws,” as she describes the families of the other sisters. While this is a good life to live, there is very real concern about where this community will be in five or ten years. When confronted with this question, Sue Ellen imagines this community will look very different, shifting towards more collaborative effort in conjunction with volunteers and oblates. There is a desire for spirituality, Sue Ellen says, but it does not seem to be lived in the same way as in the past. Some of the sisters here speak of entering the monastery at the very young age of 13 with a dozen or so other girls. In more recent years, however, vocations have slowed down significantly to barely a trickle, suggestive of our shifting world. It is now in times of such uncertainty that the relationships that Sue Ellen diligently maintains becomes of the utmost importance.

Today we celebrate Palm Sunday, during which the Gospel tells of Jesus’ passion and death. Recently I was struck by Simon’s role to help Jesus carry his cross, even at times carrying it for him. This relationship is, in my opinion, what we are all asked to do. Not only are we are responsible for carrying our own crosses, but now and then we are asked to help someone else with their cross. We are challenged to help the most vulnerable of our society, coming together as a global family; brothers and sisters in Christ, if you will. I believe that Sue Ellen has tapped into a fundamental idea in our world: that we all are asked to assist one another. We are not only helping with things that have fallen through the cracks, but we are working together to reunite our world so that there are no longer any cracks, no more separation or division. And one way to do so, as Sr. Sue Ellen demonstrates, is simply by staying connected; staying in touch.

Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: Sitting with Sr. Carol Ann

It is Mary Oliver in her poem, “The Summer Day,” that said, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” For Sr. Carol Ann, it seems that she is continuing to spend her life learning and growing – both in her ministries and herself personally. When Carol Ann returned to the Monastery building in ’89 after working in parishes, she essentially was handed a hodgepodge of tasks to keep busy with during her year home. Now 24 years later, each of her ministries has grown into more than anyone had imagined. Among her primary responsibilities is her coordination of the Social Justice Department and Committee. What started in a file box of accumulated mail has become a thriving part of the monastic community as well as in the greater and even global community. Carol Ann has also taken on the responsibilities as Forest Land Manager, her favorite job, and has become the Certified Operator for the Water System at the Monastery, a job that comes with a lot of pressure (no pun intended). Furthermore, Carol Ann assists in leading the music for the Eucharist celebrations. Needless to say, Carol Ann has filled in with what has been needed, and found her own passions in the process.

While Carol Ann originally came with a background in math and science, her ministry work right from the start has filled different needs. One such need has turned into a great passion, that being the stewardship of the land. In Benedictine-fashion, the question initially arose out of discussion of the best means to care for the land entrusted to the monastic community (1,400 acres, to be more precise). It was clear more knowledge was needed, and at a forest diseases workshop, Carol Ann rediscovered her love for the forest. Since then, she has participated in innumerous workshops, presentations, and educational workshops, and I have yet to have the opportunity to learn first-hand from Carol Ann, Master Forest Steward. It is in this field especially that Carol Ann recognizes both her sacrifices and her gains by becoming a Benedictine sister. Certainly the knowledge and educational opportunities have been some of the most prominent gains, yet this has come at the cost of creating a family. Through two battles with breast cancer, it was more acute to Carol Ann how she sacrificed the unwavering support and love from a potential husband. This did not come into consciousness at the age of 13 when she entered, but today it is quite clear what a significant sacrifice this has been. Even so, Carol Ann has made numerous friends through her forestry work and her other ministries. In my experience, she has lovingly chided me on my clothing color choices. Nevertheless, when I see that faint smile over my latest antic, it is then that I truly see the care that Carol Ann takes with all of creation, including me and my bright green shoes.

The care and hospitality of all creation is one way Carol Ann lives the community mission statement, which says, “Healing Hospitality. Grateful Simplicity. Creative Peacemaking.” Simply put, Carol Ann shared her philosophy as “Care for everything as if it were the sacred vessels of the altar.” To care for everything in such a way takes more effort than just one person can provide. Carol Ann has reminded me that we all need other people, and this community is no exception. As the mean age of this monastic community continues to increase, in order to continue to thrive there will need to be a new acceptance of limits. Part of this will be through the assistance of volunteers, oblates, and staff members, but part of it will also be to trust in God’s will, according to Carol Ann. All of these experiences have continued opportunities for growth, for as Carol Ann has put it, “We won’t stop growing until 10 minutes after we’re dead.” And this, to answer Mary Oliver’s question, is what Sr. Carol Ann is doing with her one wild and precious life.

Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: Resolutions

Reason number 40 why it is great to be Catholic: Multiple chances each year to be a better person. Within the sacred calendar, Advent and Lent are both times of reflection and introspection, ultimately in preparation for the coming Christmas and Holy Week celebrations respectively. In the secular calendar, we make resolutions at the New Year, for a new school year, and we even have our resolution of things to do before we die, nicknamed as a “bucket list.” We continuously make resolutions as a means to help ourselves in some way, ultimately striving to become a better person. Here we are yet again at a recent time of resolution-making during this Lenten season.

During Lent, the continuous question one might hear is, “What are you giving up for Lent?” The idea of atonement and preparation for Easter seems to have been boiled down into not eating meat on Fridays and choosing not to eat candy. For me, something seems to be missing if this is what the tradition is about. In contrast, let me reflect on the beginning of Lent, Ash Wednesday. A paradox seems to occur between the Gospel reading and the Ash Wednesday ceremony. In the reading (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18), Jesus warns the disciples repeatedly against proclaiming of their “righteous deeds, almsgiving, prayer or fasting,” advocating instead for the reward that comes from “the Father who sees what is hidden.” The paradox arises when, as soon as this reading is read, each individual is marked with an ashen cross on their forehead, a quite prominent display of one’s “piety.” The purpose is not to be ostentatious, however, but instead to be a simple reminder of mortality. Commonly, the phrase that accompanies this symbol is, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” representative of the belief of creation from and our return to ashes in death. Never before has this message been so clearly evident for me as it has this year.

A rose is now what  I see when I peer beyond the prayer book.

Less than 24 hours after our Ash Wednesday ceremony, Sr. Mary Bernard Leiser died suddenly from a stroke. If the symbolism was not enough, the fragility and mortality of our lives has just been made clear with this loss, and the hole of shock and pain is only just barely beginning to heal. I still imagine seeing her in the halls or with her yellow rubber gloves scrubbing dishes before everyone else has arrived. If I had known what was coming, would I have done things differently? Said something more meaningful? Ultimately, though, is the reality that nothing that is past can be changed, and our resolutions are a means to change our future. Resolutions are our ways to continually reflect on our lives, implementing changes for growth and self-discovery.

My favorite hymn on Ash Wednesday is “Ashes” by Tom Conry because of the beautiful Lenten invitation as described in the lyrics. The following lines are the first two verses of this hymn:

We rise again from ashes,
from the good we’ve failed to do.
We rise again from ashes,
to create ourselves anew.
If all our world is ashes,
then must our lives be true,
an offering of ashes, an offering to you.

We offer you our failures,
we offer you attempts,
the gifts not fully given,
the dreams not fully dreamt.
Give our stumblings direction,
give our visions wider view,
an offering of ashes, an offering to you.

Although there is no real refrain, the one line that continuously returns at the end of each of the four verses is, “an offering of ashes, an offering to you.” Essentially, I believe this is what we are each called to during Lent: to give an offering of ‘ashes’ to God. The composer goes on to describe what “an offering of ashes” is in the second verse, listing “failures… attempts… gifts not fully given… dreams not fully dreamt.” In stark contrast to many Biblical stories that refer to offerings as prized possessions, it seems that “an offering of ashes” would be aspects of ourselves that which we might be ashamed. Whenever we share anything of ourselves, more often than not we attempt to only share the best of ourselves. Recently, I have interviewed with several graduate schools, and this situation demands me to only share and highlight my greatest attributes. I found myself highly aware of those aspects of my personality that would be some of my greatest assets during the interview: being cordial, friendly, polite, articulate, and confident. This would not be a time to intimately discuss my fears, apprehensions and self-doubts.

While it may seem petty to compare a school interview to God, this seems the best way to highlight the distinction of God’s compassion. If we can humble ourselves enough to share our failings, faults, and attempts, we are instantly being more real than any offering of monetary wealth. To close, one of my Lenten resolutions is to give “an offering of ashes,” to be honest and mindful of myself and what I do. In doing so, I hope that I may truly “rise again from ashes to create [myself] anew.”

Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: The Call

There are certainly no prairies in New York.

Over the course of my time here at the Monastery of St. Gertrude’s, I have repeatedly heard that to seek God alone above all else is a call to monasticism. While I have spent time pondering this thought, I have also been in the process of applying to graduate schools, not for anything based in religion or theology but instead for musicology. How is it that a prospective music professor from Upstate New York ends up at a monastery in the middle of nowhere, thousands of miles away from her friends and family? The only answer I can honestly give is that I was called. I do not mean that God or anything like that picked up the telephone, dialed my number, and left me a voicemail saying that I should go to Idaho; nothing quite that dramatic. I do, however, believe there is something that draws you, me, and all of us to certain things in our lives. That may be the voice of God, but in more secular terms, I believe it is simply this desire to be part of something greater than our selves.

What sparked this idea for me originally came from answering the question of why I was here. Many guests I have met have asked if I am interested in becoming a nun. While evidence would make this a logical conclusion, I find myself firmly saying, “No.” When reflecting on my reasoning, why I don’t want to be a nun, it seems that as much as there is a call to religious life, so do I feel called away from religious life. The call, for me, is to something else, somewhere else.

Maybe I'm called to live in the bustling city of Denver

This concept of the call was confirmed for me during a recent trip to Denver. One opportunity I had while there was to visit a potential school and meet the musicology faculty. After giving the “nutshell” version of what I have been doing since my undergraduate graduation, one of the professors commented about how the call to musicology seems similar to the call to monasticism. Immediately, the parallel use of “the call” resonated with me, attesting to the truth of the draw for each of us as individuals. What draws me to musicology, I believe, is the same draw to religious life; the same draw that an allergist, a mechanic, a trapeze artist, a zookeeper, etc. all feel towards their ultimate career goals. When I brought up this subject with a friend, he reminded me that this call is not limited to career choice. We are called in our lives, throughout our whole life. I can speak to my own experience of the call I felt at different points in my life. As a child, my call was to do well in school, respect my parents, and play nice with my brother and sister. My college career was answering the call to study music. After college, I felt called to a year of service, and now I have been called here to Cottonwood, ID. My friends have been called to other things, such as the armed forces, marriage, or parenthood. We are all responding to this call in whatever ways we can, ultimately answering the call of God or whatever higher power to live fully; to truly become who we already are.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, / I took the one less traveled by, / and that has made all the difference." - from Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken"

So this time I leave you with a question (or several questions). What is your call? Where and to what are you being called? How are you answering your call?

A post-script thought: The last time I saw my boyfriend, when he was handing me my things, he slipped me a card that said, “Through you, God’s love is shown.” Maybe I really am seeking God above all else.

Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: A Day in the Life with Sr. Carlotta Maria

 In Dr. Seuss’s book, The Lorax, the main character is advised that, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” The story itself is a cautionary tale against greed and selfishness, and an invitation to care for all of creation. It is this care of creation that is exactly what Sr. Carlotta is doing here at the Monastery of St. Gertrude.

A bird's eye view of Sr. Carlotta's handiwork

No matter what time of the year it is, Carlotta cares for many examples of creation in the monastery and on the grounds. At this time, her day begins early with shoveling and snow blowing the many paths and driveways around the Monastery. In other seasons, Carlotta will spend many hours tending to the gardens and the bounty that is produced. Throughout the year, she also takes part in maintaining and assisting with the numerous computers and televisions, and has also taken on the responsibility of creating the Nature’s Gifts products. Originally, Carlotta assisted Sr. Theresa Dvorak with the Nature’s Gifts line and now is the primary producer of the items that are available in the gift shop. Carlotta’s work with Nature’s Gifts has become her favorite job, keeping her busy all year long with production and teaching classes and retreats. Carlotta has reconnected with her love of the Earth in many ways here, and even if it means pulling a few (or a lot of) weeds, her effort is beneficial to us all.

Sr. Carlotta hard at work making more Healing Salve

While Carlotta has gained many things by being here at the Monastery of St. Gertrude, she has found it difficult to be away from her family. Nevertheless, the impact that she has on the community and guests is undeniable, and people have returned speaking of the difference she had made. Indeed, even the smallest gesture has had enormous influence, and I can certainly attest to this. One day while wandering the hill behind the Monastery building, Carlotta came across me and showed me some of her paths. Later she would speak of her time on the hill as renewing, and I believe that is what I experienced with her that day: a renewal from a shared appreciation of the splendor of creation. 

Being part of this monastic community has encouraged Carlotta to continue to grow and care for herself as well. This has included healthier eating habits and uncovering some hidden skills and talents, such as an interest in painting with watercolors. Eventually, she hopes to give back by creating a children’s book. Carlotta is also forward thinking in her perspective of where her ministries can go in the future. Essentially, Carlotta hopes to see more of everything in the future: more people, more retreats, more Nature’s Gifts products, and a wider variety of produce in the gardens. None of these expansions will be possible without help, however, such as the currently unanswered prayer of topsoil for the gardens. Together, we can all help to care for one another and all of creation. In our own ways, we are all invited to “care a whole awful lot,” in order to make our world a better place. The best way, in my opinion, is to start right here, wherever we are. For Sr. Carlotta, that is right here on these grounds at the Monastery of St. Gertrude in Cottonwood, Idaho.

Peering Beyond the Prayer Book: A Day in the Life of Sr. Katie at the Spirit Center

Spirit Center

When Sr. Katie came to the Monastery of St. Gertrude, it seemed a natural fit that she would work with retreatants. In her previous life before St. Gertrude’s, Katie fulfilled her dream with her husband to open a mom and pop resort, where they also lived on the premises. Eventually the skills of hospitality and scheduling learned over the course of her life would become an essential part of Katie’s ministry at the Spirit Center, a facility designed for hosting retreats of all kinds.

Benedictine hospitality is very much alive and well here at the monastery, where most of the ministries are designed specifically to be hospitable and welcoming to anyone who should come. At one time, when this place was barely a distant thought, there was a need for teachers, nurses, and being very much a part of the community at large. The founding sisters that traveled from the Switzerland community answered this call, working where they were needed. Even when the Monastery of St. Gertrude was created, much work was done away from the building itself, expanding to include surrounding areas and even Colombia. Nowadays, there seems to be a greater desire for hospitality, to come away and find yourself again in the peace and rhythm of the Monastery of St. Gertrude. The need for the time and space that this community has to offer is so great that people have come from all across the country to find it (myself very much included). While there are several sisters that do minister away from the community, this place continues to be a steadfast center, open and welcoming to everyone. It is the people themselves who offer the greatest hospitality, Katie being a wonderful example. Her favorite, and the most rewarding part of her job is to be with people. It seems Benedictine hospitality existed in Katie long before she ever considered religious life.

Sr. Katie hard at work

When I asked Katie what she was responsible for at the Spirit Center, it was quickly understood that she is intimately involved with all aspects of running this retreat center. If you were to see her at work, you might find her sitting at her desk in front of her computer and on the phone with someone interested in making a retreat. Being dedicated to working with people, Katie continuously tries to meet each individual or group with their particular needs. You also might have a hard time seeing Katie, for when she is not at her desk, she is continuously bustling throughout the building taking care of or delegating any problems that have arisen (sometimes even on her day off).

For the future of the Spirit Center, Katie plans to continue to serve people with hospitality, including the gift of spiritual direction at reasonable costs. The Spirit Center, as Katie sees it, has so much to offer: space, time, quiet (if desired), the healing center, beautiful scenery, and much more, and above all, more hospitality than anywhere else she has been. Considering the work she has done over the years, this is saying something!       

After reflecting on my conversation with Katie, I was reminded of the song that says, “People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.” I have certainly been a person who needs people and such that Katie has been a wonderful blessing for me, one recent example being the alteration of her travel plans to accommodate my own plans. This one example is a glimpse into the depth of Katie’s compassion and something that I try to emulate as best as I can. Katie has answered her call of ministry quite literally, yet she serves as a reminder to all of us of the importance of a warm welcome. I cannot fathom Katie working in any other capacity, and we are all incredibly lucky and blessed by her desire to serve God in this way.