On Labels

by Elena Coe

We are a couple classes into our program now, and we've begun to discuss what it means to be a monk. After all, we're all here to learn about being more monk-like, so it only makes sense to work out some kind of defining factors. Right?

Given the huge scope of mysticism and monastic life throughout religions and cultures, it is hard to specify too many particulars about what a monk does. But ultimately, the overarching defining factor of monastic devotion seems to be this: to seek relationship with god/the transcendent above all else. There are certainly elements of prayer, obedience, love, and humility that generally accompany that journey towards enlightenment or eternal life, but the primary motivation for those behaviors truly makes the difference.

This all gets me to wondering, however, about intentionality versus action. On the one hand, I could argue that anyone whose intention is to seek God above all else and self-defines as a monk is, in fact, a monk. The success of their journey may not matter much if we define the monk by the act of seeking rather than by the outcomes of the search. If that's the case, then could someone call themselves a monk even if they lived in ways most people would not define as monastic? Should people who are not practiced in righteousness and love still gain the title of being a monk simply because they make efforts to do so? And more importantly, what then separates a 'normal' pious or conscious person from a monk?

To me, as an artist and writer, I've often struggled with a similar problem of defining identity. What is a writer, after all? It is simply someone who writes? How much do you have to write to fall into the category of 'a writer'? Every day? Do you have to be published? Do you have to be good? Can I simply call myself a writer because I have the intention and skill to write?

Personally, I've come to my own conclusion that self-identification matters more than what categories the outer world places me in. With that in mind, I choose to make the distinction based on what I believe feeds my spirit and makes me feel more like myself. Being a writer fits me. I don't have to write every day or be published to know that I will always love to write and that the action of writing is an integral part of who I am.

As for monasticism... I don't know that I'm confident enough yet in my own definition of what a monk is to truly know whether I feel like one. Maybe the label is intimidating me because of all its broader connotations and historical associations. I remember when I was afraid to call myself a writer because I felt it was presumptuous. Eventually, I overcame that fear because I came to sense writing as an process instead of a destination. Intellectually, I believe the same thing about monasticism. So, perhaps it is only a matter of time before I realize that I can be more than a writer, a singer, an artist, a sister, a daughter, a student, a friend... But that I can also be a monk.

Another Batch in the Oven

by Elena Coe

Welcome to a new year of the long-term Monastic Immersion Experience! The nine-month program for 2013-2014 has three participants, and we are finally all here together at the Monastery of St. Gertrude, beginning our work, prayer, and classes. In other words, the ingredients have all come together into ooey-gooey delicious dough, and now we're popping into the oven. Who knows how it will all turn out, right? (I'm guessing pretty good.)

This blog is meant to be a place for the three of us to divulge our thoughts and experiences while in the program, and I hope that you may find some of it interesting. I feel like giving a little disclaimer about my personal faith journey might be prudent, since much of this blog will consist of musings and questions that will make a lot more sense in the context of my life. So, if you’re interested, please, read on!

Growing up in a non-religious household, I was never one to actively seek out church. My mom would sometimes take us to various protestant churches, but those events were so rare that I suspect I could tell you about each one. I never particularly disliked church—I especially enjoyed the goodies that were provided in the lobby out front after the service—but I never looked forward to it either. So when I found myself surrounded by religious friends in high school, I began to wonder what I might have been missing out on. There seemed to be such a comfort in the community of church, the ritual of prayer, and the love that often emanated from religious people. Intellectually, I still didn’t agree with religion, but I began to be fascinated by it.

When I was deciding on a university, my first impulse was to rule out religiously-affiliated schools entirely, convinced that I would be judged and left out by a community so focused on something I wasn’t a part of. But somehow, through a combination of serendipity and practicality, I ended up deciding to attend Seattle University, a Jesuit school in Seattle’s hippest neighborhood, Capitol Hill. Admittedly, as far as Catholic schools go, Seattle U is not strict about its religious aspects. In fact, the faith of my school became one of my favorite things to talk about because it was so incredibly open-minded and open-ended in its practice. I began to see faith and spirituality differently through the variety of expressions I witnessed every day on my campus. Singing choral music, in particular, brought me closer to religion than I had ever been before. Additionally, working on retreats through my campus ministry gave me an increasingly vivid idea of the potential of my own spirituality. But still, I didn’t consider becoming Catholic—or any religion. And, I still rarely attended any church services.

So when it came time for me to decide what to do after college, with a double major in English and Digital Design and very little certainty about how I wanted to “set the world on fire” (thanks, Jesuits), I found myself called to a period of exploration.

Exploration can, of course, mean a lot of different things, and there are certainly a multitude of areas I want to explore while I’m young, able-bodied, and relatively free-spirited. But after finding the Monastic Immersion Experience and considering it for a year, I felt like my spiritual journey might be the perfect first step in this exploratory time. If faith could be my rock, as it is for so many, I would rather start to find my footing before venturing out into the rest of my exploration. I also knew I could use some healing and refocusing after the crazy whirlwind that is the urban college student experience.

Now, I’m almost a month into my stay at the Monastery of St. Gertrude, and I am already learning and experiencing beautiful things. Given how much I do not know, I am not surprised. So, go easy on me. I am sure to mix up terms once or twice, and I most certainly will come to conclusions that millions of people have already reached. But, my hope is that I may be able to express my unique journey in a way that inspires or touches even those who have long since walked the road I’ve just started.